Stuff. And Things.

[deense]

Something I haven't been very open about is the onset of chronic pain since last June. There was pain before then, there weere issues, but they came and went. The past year... It's all changed. And the since January it has been on an off brutal. The past two days have been really bad.

I get flaky. I get to the point I can only concentrate on work. Or some other days I can only concentrate on tags. Other days I just want to sleep it all off and again other days I can't sleep at all.

It's my knees, my ankles, my hips, my shoulders, my arms my wrists, my fingers. It's my jaw. It's sometimes one thing, and sometimes everything.

Sometimes I'm totally fine and it's like nothing happened at all. Like I'm normal. I love those times.

I get tired more easily. The IBS like circumstances I have? They're most likely connected. My Raynaud's (a circulatory disorder) possibly connected. Rheumatoid Arthritis and psoriasis run in my family. Those are all likely connected. I've been told I check list off for Lupus, for MS, for RA. They're all just lists.

I don't like talking about it. I don't like admitting to it. I haven't been diagnosed, I go to see a rheumatologist in a few weeks. But sometimes it is bad and getting through work is all I can manage. Sometimes its like nothing. Like I'm as it used to be.

I have firieds who've dealt with this for so much longer, and friends who have it so much worse. I know it's never the pain olympics, that someone is always going to have it worse. But when I can't sleep for weeks because of pain, can't think or flake out, I hope you will understand.

Comments

[spies]

Don't blame yourself for maybe not being as productive as you think you should be, it's not your fault and it's nothing to be ashamed of. How much you manage to get done does not define your worth as a person. I understand, and I think all of your friends and colleagues will understand, and if they don't, that's their shortcoming, not yours. Just keep taking care of yourself. ♥

[sweet_tangerine]

D: oh honey. <3

[di]

♥ ♥ ♥

[vae]

Absolutely totally understand, right down to the not liking talking about it or admitting to it (especially in the times when it feel absolutely normal). But please, give yourself a break. Do what you need to do for you. Remember that your "best" is always going to vary, and it's your best at any given moment, under those circumstances, and you don't have to do everything all the time. *snugs*

[technosage]

Going through a lot of similar - but wouldn't even win a bronze in the non-existent painlympics - problems as the year turns. You know you have my empathy, my sympathy, my love, and my support. Whenever you need it.

[intheenditslove]

♥ ♥

I know it's a shitty process, but getting a diagnosis is SO important and I'm glad they're doing something on that front. Especially if it's an immune system disease. It can be treated and controlled and I'll tell you that I feel so much better since my treatment began. I hope they figure things out for you, because it's no fun to live with any kind of pain.

[respectorcist]

I hope things can work themselves out for you for the better. I sympathize, and it sucks, and sometimes I want to pretend I'm normal and I don't have all of the endocrine problems that I have and other things. But believe me. Allow yourself to rest if you need it.

Don't push yourself too hard even though it might satisfy you in the short term to feel 'normal.' Pushing yourself backfires, believe me. I pushed myself and ignored symptoms and nearly lost a foot recently because of it. Take care of you, sweetie. You don't have to talk about it but don't make yourself feel guilty like you can't take care of you because your problems aren't the 'worst' right then. Please do know that you deserve to be understood and that people who care will understand without you having to go outside your comfort zone to detail it.