deense: (middleman: profanity)
Something I haven't been very open about is the onset of chronic pain since last June. There was pain before then, there weere issues, but they came and went. The past year... It's all changed. And the since January it has been on an off brutal. The past two days have been really bad.

I get flaky. I get to the point I can only concentrate on work. Or some other days I can only concentrate on tags. Other days I just want to sleep it all off and again other days I can't sleep at all.

It's my knees, my ankles, my hips, my shoulders, my arms my wrists, my fingers. It's my jaw. It's sometimes one thing, and sometimes everything.

Sometimes I'm totally fine and it's like nothing happened at all. Like I'm normal. I love those times.

I get tired more easily. The IBS like circumstances I have? They're most likely connected. My Raynaud's (a circulatory disorder) possibly connected. Rheumatoid Arthritis and psoriasis run in my family. Those are all likely connected. I've been told I check list off for Lupus, for MS, for RA. They're all just lists.

I don't like talking about it. I don't like admitting to it. I haven't been diagnosed, I go to see a rheumatologist in a few weeks. But sometimes it is bad and getting through work is all I can manage. Sometimes its like nothing. Like I'm as it used to be.

I have firieds who've dealt with this for so much longer, and friends who have it so much worse. I know it's never the pain olympics, that someone is always going to have it worse. But when I can't sleep for weeks because of pain, can't think or flake out, I hope you will understand.
deense: (comics: batwoman)
Alrighty! There's been a lot of cool stuff happening lately too.

The blog is humming along. I've been putting up a lot of the women in comics invterviews we did, and have a batch more to queue up over the weekend. For those not in the loop, it's Girls Read Comics Too.

I was made an Ambassador for Gestalt Publishing, an Australian based comic label a little while ago, and now I'm their social media assistant!!! I have control of the twitter and facebook account and it's my job to keep them active.

Related - It looks like I'll be going on a digital media course for work as I start taking over more of their online presence as well. WHOOO.

I am THIS CLOSE to having all my leave approved for my trip home in August. In fact I am this close to having all my leave approved for the year. Talked to my parents and it looks like I'll be home for almost two full weeks, not including my FanExpo days in Toronto. Right now D*C is up in the air, but honestly, as long as I get FE and a couple days with Sil & Allie in LA and a couple days in New York City I am more than ecstatic. It looks like I'll be away 3 weeks total.

The Supanova tour for Melbourne/Gold Coast in April already has a fantastic lineup. The Phelps twins, Bendis, ELIZABETH ROHM???? Hnnnngh. So much awesome in one place and I AM A PART OF IT.

It's my birthday in 2 weeks and I have a party next weekend, and I have a trip to Hobart the weekend after. I have cunning tattoo plans.

I am registered for my courses, and that is awesome too. 2 in first semester, and 1 in second semester. Then I'll have a pile of pre-reqs and the 12 CP I need to start taking the cool stuff I want to.

That's really it. There are likely other things (I know there are other things) but it is late Friday and I want to go hooooooooome and yes. But this post is very overdue!
deense: Sinfest - dominate or not? (Art- girl with maze)
I wrote something to a friend tonight, and realised it could be applied to so many people on my list who are stressing and worrying right now. So I thought I'd share, with a couple of changes. Because it is something I believe about everyone on my list, honestly.

You're a brilliant person, truly you are. You believe so much in people, and are so positive about things no matter what, I wish that transferred back to yourself. I know better than to truly expect that, it's a thing, isn't it? Seeing greatness in others and not expecting it in ourselves.

The road ahead is hard. It will be a long slog. You will make choices you later regret. You will do things you question, and that you look back on and wonder if you'd just done them differently, how will they turn out.

But you will also do brilliant things. You will write things you look back on later and are in awe of. That we are all in awe of. You will say and do things that are mediocre, yes, but we all do. You will also shine. I know that. Somewhere, here, I know that.

Not every day will have us shine like stars. Not every moment will fulfill our dreams. It's part of the adjustment we make as we transition through life. Not into adulthood, fuck that noise. I'm an adult and still transistioning. But times will come that you see yourself as so much more. That you do something outstanding and brilliant and generous. That you find yourself surrounded by those you love and realise that your life - while perhaps not the one you dreamed of once - is better than the one you feared you might have.

I adore you, and I know what it's like to not be satisfied and to doubt. But you are talented. You are brilliant.

We are as much our crises as we are our accomplishments. It is difficult to accept that. I know I still struggle with it. But without doubting ourselves and questioning, what would we be?

Know that I love you
deense: Sinfest - dominate or not? (Art- girl with maze)
I've thought a lot about this post and if I was going to post it or not. There's been a string of losses going around. First Thorgrim, the head of my adopted SCA-household. After a long battle with cancer, and still it hurt. He was always welcoming, always willing to welcome me and everyone else into the Rozakii camp. And he always remembered me.

Then this week, I received the news that Mistress Etaion died. I wasn't going to post about it. Sandra and I weren't close friends, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised what a strong affect she'd had on me.

When I joined the SCA (my medieval re-creation group for those who don't know) I lived in a small city called Guelph. I fell in with some very good people, and I had a great time. It was enjoyable, but it really was more social than anything else.

Each autumn, the University I was at had an event called College Royal. Sort of like a mini-Easter show in a way, and the SCA put on an elaborate demonstration, building a small almost town at one end. We had rooms and walls and arts and crafts and fighting, and it was impressive.

My first year, Sandra came, and brought two of her spinning wheels. I spent most of the morning with her, and she taught me how to spin, first on drop spindle, and then on wheel. She gave me fleece and a spindle to take home. We talked about a million things, from medieval re-creation to her job and my studies, and of course, we talked to everyone who came through. More that she talked, explaining what the SCA was, and why we chose to try and recreate as we did, making things to the best of our abilities, and how it was fun as well.

Sandra was the first person to show me and make it stick that you could be authentic, and yet be fun. That you could be serious, and yet have a laugh. There were many more over the years, [ profile] kes_zone being another standout, but Sandra was the first.

She always had a laugh and a smile, or an ear if you wanted to have a serious conversation. After five years away from the SCA she was one of the first people I saw at Pennsic who grinned at seeing me, calling me 'tongue-girl!' and telling me how she'd missed having me around. I saw her at a middle eastern dancing class the next morning, and we all stood at the back and had a laugh over how bad we were at it. But she was willing to try.

She was knowledgable, interesting, always willing to learn, gracious, and funny. She could get into an argument (and actually argue, rather than fight) and stick up for what she believed in. She was an amazing woman, and she's the sort of person I dream of having the integrity to be more like.

So there you go. Thoughts on a woman I wasn't close to, but who had a profound affect on me, and likely many others.

I'll miss you Sandra. I hope you're at peace.

November 2015

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